The last several weeks have been
constant change. The five days I took to drive across the states from
Washington to Michigan was a fun adventure. I loved the hours in the
car listening to one CD after the next. Seeing sights and country
that I've never seen before, thanking God for the creation and that I
have this opportunity to see it. Eventually the tunes got old and I
would talk to my mom on the phone as well as my sister. The last
couple days got heavy and more difficult to enjoy the more tired I
became. I arrived in Michigan on Friday night after my most trying
day of driving (toll roads, construction, and Chicago). I had lots of
catch up time as I saw one person after another. It was good to catch
up with old friends and reminisce at the place I'd spent the last two
years.
As I left for Canada on Wednesday
morning I felt nauseous and not ready to face the day. Despite
feeling ill I made it to the school in Canada that evening complete
with a school visa. I then settled in knowing I'd spend the next year
and a half of my life here. I knew this was everything I'd been
planning and praying for and now as I was finally here all I could do
was fight back a mess of tears. I was completely uncomfortable and
nothing was familiar. (Let me clarify so you don't get me wrong
everyone here is friendly and I love it, the apartment is beautiful
and like I said it was everything I'd been working toward.) It was
just like all my insecurities and struggles where just under the
surface like an ugly zit on my forehead just about to burst. I was so
overwhelmed with all the things I'd seen, and all the conversations
I'd had.
My second evening here I finally had a moment where it was all about me and I just cried laying all
of me on the table, all of my insecurities - I'm not the one to do
this, I can't, this is crazy, there are so many more qualified people
in this world, why me, ect.
So to reflect on what I was feeling
and still do feel in a form, I'm overwhelmed by the weakness of
myself. During the summer I heard about the strength that other
Christians have, I watched them parade it like a prize. That was
exactly the problem though, it wasn't about what they have or what I
don't have. It's about Christ. How I feel about others is a constant
heart check of where my eyes are. Are they on the temporary things of
this world or are they on Christ?
I am overwhelmed by Christ and that's
why I choose to follow Him to missions training and to the mission
field. Not because I'm strong, many are stronger than I am. Not even
because of compassion for lost people. No, I don't go because of who
I am. I go because of who God is and what He has done for me and
every person on this planet. Christ gave His life for us, he paid the
punishment and if I can trust Him with my salvation then I can
certainly trust Him with the next year and a half in Canada, and
wherever He leads from here. His strength is enough and I go not
because I have a strength to parade but because God has a strength to
be paraded. To God be the glory, great things He has done.
So in summary of the last month, I am
overwhelmed with many things as I transition to the next chapter of
missions but I am more overwhelmed by God and His greatness.
Prayer
- Praise God for getting me here safely and with all the necessary papers
- Praise God for the people here who have made me feel at home
- Praise God for how He has been working in my heart
- Please continue to pray for my growth here at school
- Please pray that I would completely rely on God as He continues to grow me. That I would have confidence in who He is as I find myself to be lacking.
Thank you for your continued support as
the body of Christ.
-Josephine
